Behind the wheel, I'll be taking no prisoners.

There's one reason why I'm so gutted about having failed my driving test today, and it's not actually the driving, it's what the driving would have given me the opportunity to have...

RETRIBUTION FOR 20 YEARS OF WOLF-WHISTLING, HORN-TOOTING, "CORR YOU'RE LOOKING LOVELY TODAY DARLIN'" AND CREEPY MEN, IN THEIR EQUALLY CREEPY VEHICLES, PULLING UP AND ASKING IF I FANCY A RIDE.

NO, I do not find this flattering. NO, I should not just take it as a compliment. NO, you have not made my day by making comments about my 'assets'. Woe betide, gentlemen; the day Ruth Brewer passes her driving test is the day you need to FEAR wearing JLS-style low cut tees, because Chloe Howard and I will be objectifying you, from my Skoda, to hell and back. There will be illegal horn tooting at every male that crosses our path, there will be crawling up next to unsuspecting men and telling them they're looking 'tasty', and there will be a hell of a fucking lot of wolf-whistling. For every time a disgusting chav, in a Peugeot 206, has had  the chutzbah to shout, 'wheyyyyyyy get your tits out love' - vengeance will be ours.

Here's to hoping the DSA keep deeming me unfit for the roads, ey?