Idiots abroad: the only way is English.

I've been in Ukraine 24 hours now and I am having a fantastic time, although it turns out we're not actually staying in Kiev at all. We were collected from the airport and, after an hour and a half, we arrived at our destination: a lovely hotel in a town called Irpin. We had a few hours to kill before the opening dinner of the conference so Matthew and I went into Irpin to change some money and have a look around.

Being in the town itself was quite surreal; the whole place looked like the set of Pulp Fiction and the shops and stalls were eerily bereft of shoppers.  Despite finding that some of the local yoot were following us around, we had a look at the market and shops, hoping it would provide us with an opportunity to point and loudly say "THAT ONE".  After doing a bit of shopping, which involved buying a lot of hand-carved, novelty wooden items, we found a seedy bar and went for a drink.  Matthew attempted to get us a pint each, but failed MISERABLY seeing as we know no Ukrainian and they have no English. He returned with, what can only be described as, a mini pitcher of vodka and two shot glasses - at this point it was 3pm GMT. We enjoyed the bar, and the company of the locals, who provided us with beers and some fantastic dancing.

Top chap.

So far, in Ukraine, I am pleased to report several things: they are fully supporting a 'no platform for vegetarianism' policy; they still think Toni Braxton is a big name; it seems to be illegal not to smoke in public places and, that my Ukrainian hat has been a big hit - pictures to follow.  However, I am disappointed to report that my universal language of the world has not travelled well and I am a bit lost in translation at the moment. Saying that, while I do look like an ignorant Brit when someone gives me something and I just shout "THANK YOU", their lack of understanding is actually working to my advantage as it was completely acceptable for me to say in front of the barman that I thought he was really fit, as he didn't understand.  I shouldn't get too cocky though and should probably learn the translation for "British knobhead".

While I plan to update this daily, I'll probably fail. So, until next time!

xx

P.s. Ben Semens is arriving tonight and, in preparation for his visit, I've ensured that everyone knows the correct pronunciation of his surname. I'm such a selfless person.